Bureaucracy Gone Mad

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Spike
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Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Spike » 31st Oct, '09, 11:14

So I need this letter proving my identity and address witnessed by a solicitor and legalised by the British Consulate.

I get said letter drawn up and signed by solicitor, no problem.

I call Consular section of the British High Commission and ask about legalisation. They tell me I must get the solicitor's signature verified by a Notary Public with a Notary Public's seal.

I go back to lawyer's office and get Notary Public's stamp and seal.

Just to be sure, I phone Consulate to check that's all they need. They say my NP is not on their list of NPs and I need to go back and get another document certifying that he really is a Notary Public.

Back to the lawyer's office and get pretty green piece of paper with official looking ribbon round it verifying the NP really is a NP.

Phone Consulate again to check I have everything now and they say, "Is the document validating the Notary Public's signature accompanied by a certificate from the Singapore Academy of Law validating that the certificate from the NP validating that he is a Notary Public is genuine." So they now tell me to go to the SAL office at the Supreme Court building to get a certificate, certifying that the certificate certifying that the NP is a NP is genuine and valid.

I go to Supreme Court building, find the SAL office and present the documents that need certifying. They tell me that the pretty green ribbon is not tied to the document it's meant to be certifiying. I say, "No problem, I can do boy scout knots, give it here." "No"' they say, "The Notary public has to tie it with his own fingers and put the ribbon through a hole in the corner made with a brass rivet".

I go back to the NP and ask him to run the ribbon through the documents and tie his magic Notary Public knot.

Back to the Supreme Court and they tell me it will take two days to 'process' my request.

Two days later I collect my original document with a solicitor's chop, certified, by the Notary Public, a green piece of paper with ribbon from the NP certifying that he really is a Notary Public and another piece of green paper, complete with magic knotted ribbon, certifying the Notary Public's certificate.

I stroll into the Consulate, confident that with all the green certificates and magic ribbons nothing can go wrong. To be on the safe side I take my birth certificate, passport, baptismal certificate, 10 yard swimming certificate and my lucky gonk.

Consulate lady inspects the docs and says, "Ah, we need a letter from the Notary Public certifying that he's a Notary Public". "But..but you already have a thing with a magic ribbon blessed by the Pope and all that's Holy guaranteeing that the NP really is real" says I. "Ah..but we need another genuine letter stamped and sealed by the NP to keep on our files. We're going to give you back all this stuff."

At this point my calm demeanour is starting to break down and as my head hits the counter I demand to see the First Secretary. First Secretary comes to the counter and tells me same story. At this point, I admit defeat and lope out of the office giving the water cooler a good kick on the way out.

The irony of this whole story is that all I need is a legalisation stamp on the letter that says I am who my passport says I am. It's the bloody British High Commission here that issued the passport. It's enough to make me give up my passport. Now where's that Singapore citizenship application form.

[smilie=23_3.gif] [smilie=23_3.gif] [smilie=23_3.gif]
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Lili Von Shtupp
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Lili Von Shtupp » 31st Oct, '09, 12:05

I certainly hope you shook your lucky gonk all over the counter and put a pox on everyone! :lol:

Spike, your story made me homesick for NYC...and then I imagined said bureaucraton giving me the old "Tawk 2 da haaaand" and I snapped out of it.
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Bender » 31st Oct, '09, 12:09

Lili Von Shtupp wrote:the old "Tawk 2 da haaaand"
Where did that expression come from anyway?
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Zephyr
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Zephyr » 31st Oct, '09, 12:41

Spike you have my full and complete sympathy. If it's any consolation, they've passed on their bureaucratic "standards" to Jams and India too as part of their colonial legacy. (Somehow Sg got lucky here).If it wasn't the British consulate you were dealing with, I would have suggested greasing some palms to expedite the process but in this case you're just stuck with the doddery, old fashioned red tape of Her Majesty's government.
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Snaffled
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Snaffled » 31st Oct, '09, 13:08

Sympathies, but thanks for the very entertaining read!
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Fat Bob » 31st Oct, '09, 13:12

I've never had a good experience at the British High Comm. I did write a couple of threads complaining about the service on some Foreign Office wesbite, but really, they have officaldom and bureaucracy so shoved up their arse that even if you give it a good pull, it'll only just go past their tonsils.

Only thing I can suggest is asking for their list of Notary Publics....but a little late now.
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Spike
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Spike » 31st Oct, '09, 14:03

Fat Bob wrote:Only thing I can suggest is asking for their list of Notary Publics....but a little late now.
I agree. The problem was they didn't tell me they had an approved list in the first instance. In my view you're either a Notary Public or not. My NP's name is on the Academy of Law's web site but it seems the High Comm doesn't even trust their site.
Last edited by Spike on 31st Oct, '09, 14:09, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Fresh Mint » 31st Oct, '09, 14:29

I was getting a new passport earlier this year and my mugshots weren't acceptable because of wrong colour background or some other trivial reason.

The clerk helpfully pointed me in the direction of Tanglin Mall basement for a new photo ID, but when I returned, she said couldn't accept them because they hadn't been countersigned as a "true likeness".

Cue standoff. I am sitting opposite her, with passport pictures taken just minutes earlier, wearing the same fucking clothes as in the picture, and a fucking employee of the British fucking High Commission won't take the application because the pictures aren't countersigned. Nothing I could tell her or the useless fucking manager would change a thing.

Anyway, I walked outside, sat on the pavement and countersigned the forms myself, writing that it was indeed, a true likeness of me, and returned a minute later.

It was quite obvious what I had done, but I know that the useless paper shuffler looked deep into my soul and realised that if she refused to accept the forms, I would return -- this time with weapons and explosives.

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Scrummy Mummy
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Re: Bureaucracy Gone Mad

Post by Scrummy Mummy » 31st Oct, '09, 15:02

I'm confused - was this all for a passport application?

The High Comm were pretty clueless when we adopted Mini-S, we were constantly having to check and redo things. When I went to hand in the papers the bint on the counter was very confused and kept insisting we wanted to adopt two children.

"There are two birth certificates" "Yes, a new birth certificate with us as parents and "new" name is issued after adoption."
"There are two SG passports." "Yes, one is before he was adopted and one after."
"But these are two different children of different ages". "No, one picture was taken at 2 days old and one at 6 months."

At least we're not paying for them from our taxes.

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