Can I talk about something sad?

kittykat · Post by **kittykat** » 17th Feb, '08, 05:34

Az - I'm thinking of you and am sending you lots of love, hugs and positive thoughts. My relationship with my dad was interesting. My parents separated when I was 5 and I became one of the pioneers in "holiday visits" to see my dad. This was 1971. My dad was a singer in a band and when my mum met him it was a great life. 3 children later it wasn't such a great life. I remember up until the separated going to see him at gigs and him sitting me on the speakers while he got ready or sitting in a chair at the side of the stage while he sang. I thought every little girl's dad was a singer and was shocked to find out that most dads went to work during the day not at night.

My best memories really became when I was a teenager and could appreciate him much more. He had a new partner who had 3 girls of her own and we all got on like a house on fire. I loved going to their place in my holidays (Maryborough if anyone knows Queensland). After my incredibly strict step-father it was so nice to be a normal teenager. He was a loving, wise man who really just loved his kids and his family. A very proud Maori who was so passionate about our heritage and history. I wish I'd have taken the time to learn more from him. I didn't appreciate it until he had died. He died at 53 years after a long battle with kidney failure and diabetes.

Satellite · Post by **Satellite** » 17th Feb, '08, 15:09

I'm sorry to hear that Az. You are one part of him so he lives on. *hugs*

sluggo · Post by **sluggo** » 17th Feb, '08, 16:32

AZ, also sorry to hear your sad news. My Dad died of a heart attack suddenly in 1999 while driving down the interstate at 75 miles and hour. He somehow was able to stop the car (good thing that since my Mom was with him) but never recovered. Several memories of him involving saving my life when I was a dumb kid. Once I was playing on the roof of my house while he was doing some work on a ladder. As I was starting to come down I fell and he caught me with one arm while still standing on the ladder. He was a wonderful father and a great husband to my Mother. I still miss him greatly but have many wonderful memories of him to comfort me. My thoughts and Prayers are with you.

Scrummy Mummy · Post by **Scrummy Mummy** » 17th Feb, '08, 19:47

Hopefully this will amuse you rather than make you feel worse, but for some reason I always thought you were a bloke.

I've no idea what gave me that idea. sorry

baloo · Post by **baloo** » 17th Feb, '08, 21:40

Scummy Mummy wrote:Hopefully this will amuse you rather than make you feel worse, but for some reason I always thought you were a bloke. I've no idea what gave me that idea. sorry

er, Azzam or Sluggo ? Sluggo is a bloke, Azzam isn't...

Scrummy Mummy · Post by **Scrummy Mummy** » 17th Feb, '08, 22:44

Az, but I've worked out now that she's female from the reference to "when I was a girl" (although these days, who knows?)

daffodil · Post by **daffodil** » 18th Feb, '08, 07:19

Sorry to hear your sad news Azz.

Big snog.

Now THAT's sure to make you feel better!

azzam · Post by **azzam** » 18th Feb, '08, 08:01

One things I'm a bloke and the other wants a snog.
Where am I going wrong?

canuck · Post by **canuck** » 18th Feb, '08, 08:10

your obviously putting out some kind of vibe, but then again daff has been a bit hormonal

azzam · Post by **azzam** » 18th Feb, '08, 18:08

I'm going to have to tell her - I'm just not that into her.

Batwoman · Post by **Batwoman** » 18th Feb, '08, 18:28

Oh Azzam sorry hear your sad news.

I am a Daddy's girl and will be devasted when this happens to me. He is funny, cuddly and full of wisdom and I have never wanted to dissapoint him and don't think I have yet (actually yes he hates me smoking). All my friends love him too. And if by any chance one day I do get married I know it will be only to an even greater man if my father is willing to give me away.

One of his best bits of advice to me was "Batty all men are bastards until they prove otherwise" This still makes me smile has it has been so apt in many a situation.

He is also very generous and has just bought me my F1 ticket!!!!!!! God I love him and of course he will be beside me when we watch it - him & Mum are coming over for it.

Have also only just told him that I have stopped smoking for 5 days and his reply is "That’s the best news I’ve heard. Keep it up"

Joy · Post by **Joy** » 18th Feb, '08, 22:13

Azzam, big hug from me as well... Dads are wonderful. When I was a child mine was always travelling and when he came home, I always sat next to his big suitcase waiting as he carefully opened it and folded away his clothes. It never took long, but at some point he picked up a little present out of the suitcase and handed it to me with a little smile. I was always excited to have him back home but that made it all the sweeter! Even if it was just a couple of bags of Gummibears...

Blossom · Post by **Blossom** » 18th Feb, '08, 22:33

Sorry to hear. My thoughts are with you.

One of my fav memories of my Dad was when we were little Mum went to a tafe course on Monday nights and Dad would cook some crazy meal and have all the kids line up for dinner to be dished up.

He is also a butcher so some of my happier memories are of sawdust, sliced devon, butchers paper and doing homework in the meat freezer on a hot summers afternoon.

Unfortunately I also remember the day my Dad walked out and the years after where he found it hard to be around us.

But now I am older the thing I am most proud of my Dad for is the day he sat me down and listened to the horrible things that happened to us while we lived with my step dad. He apologised for not being there and how hard it was not being around for us. He also taught me one of the best lessons is that you deal with situations the best way you know how at the time. I know without a doubt that he would change what happened if he could.

Now my fav thing is every time we talk on the phone and I tell him a story, good or crazy, my Dad says to me "you are a (our family name)". He is my family.

sj23 · Post by **sj23** » 19th Feb, '08, 04:42

Azzam, really really sorry about your Dad that's very sad news.

I can't even imagine losing my Dad just yet. My Grandad (Dad's Dad) passed away in 2006 and then he seemed too young

I'm a real Daddy's girl myself as my Mum left when I was 17 and my sister, brother and I all stayed with Dad. Things have changed a bit over the past couple of years since my Dad met his new wife and remarried but I hope we stay a very close family. Until quite recently my Dad was never that good at SAYING how he felt (but he's always given lots of hugs and kisses) .. but I bumped into the mother of an old school friend a few years ago and ended up chatting with her for ages. She was telling me how proud Dad is of all of us and how much he talks about what we're all up to now we've moved out of home and into the big wide world

daffodil · Post by **daffodil** » 19th Feb, '08, 07:05

azzam wrote:I'm going to have to tell her - I'm just not that into her.

liar, liar, pants on fire! And I've got the photos, remember....

musxzart · Post by **musxzart** » 19th Feb, '08, 08:34

hugs azzam.

i am so sorry to hear that.

anyways, my dad is the only one know can fix things in the house. if its not for him, i would never learnt how to drill the wall or fix the plug. he maybe harsh, but i know its his way if showing that he cares.

BFG · Post by **BFG** » 19th Feb, '08, 08:47

My father died at the end of January. Trying to read out a eulogy at the ceremony was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I was lucky enough to be able to see my father a week before he died.

Never, ever, be afraid to tell someone that you love them, you may not get another chance.

I hope the pain goes and the memories never do.

Hugs.

BFG

azzam · Post by **azzam** » 19th Feb, '08, 10:23

Just like the whole experience, this thread makes me laugh and cry in turns.
I was very lucky, BFG. I was working in Oz and got a call that he was unwell, then better. But I decided to go anyway. It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.
I arrived late at night and he woke up. He asked if we could talk in the morning, stroked my cheek and said he loved me. He didn't wake up again, but I have that moment.

I'm realising now how much of it is sheer shock. I was sitting by his bed, chatting. It wasn't supposed to happen.

It's exhausting in every way.

But, I'm back at work now, and it's easier.

We are three sisters and in a way, we all have our own version of Dad to remember - we all responded in similar yet individual ways. I have a very good chunk of Dad memory that is mine and only mine. Does that sound strange? But it's comforting somehow.

canuck · Post by **canuck** » 19th Feb, '08, 10:46

you are so lucky, I only find out my dad is in hospital if I happen to call on the day

days like Christmas day he was in for more surgery, 2 days before I started a new job in london, 4 days after he arrived home in Canada from a visit here.

he drives me nuts..

'didn't want to worry me'

azzam · Post by **azzam** » 19th Feb, '08, 14:31

musxzart wrote:hugs azzam. i am so sorry to hear that.

anyways, my dad is the only one know can fix things in the house. if its not for him, i would never learnt how to drill the wall or fix the plug. he maybe harsh, but i know its his way if showing that he cares.

I have some pictures that need hanging

Tas · Post by **Tas** » 5th Mar, '08, 13:49

oh Azzam, I had not read this, and after Tacks post I panicked and searched for what she was on about. hope you're ok.

Aliya · Post by **Aliya** » 5th Mar, '08, 17:35

Azzam and BFG, agree with you both, you have to tell people you love them. That was the last thing I said to my mother the day she died, I turned around at the door to her hospital room and said "I love you Mum" and she said "I know and I love you too" and that was the last time I saw her. It is really hard Azzam and BFG but it does get better, the waves of grief do calm down somewhat but you always have those special memories that are yours and yours alone.

I remember your father as being lovely Azzam, remember he dropped you off at my place in NZ that evening, he was such a lovely gentleman. Big kiss. And to you BFG.

Eulogies, horrible, by the time all mine had stopped popping off I had a template.... anyone want a professional eulogiser?

Morrolan · Post by **Morrolan** » 5th Mar, '08, 18:51

BFG, just saw your post. my sympathies, it has to be tough.

Zephyr · Post by **Zephyr** » 5th Mar, '08, 19:54

My sympathies to both Az and BFG as well.

Monkey Hanger · Post by **Monkey Hanger** » 5th Mar, '08, 20:11

Az and BFG, so sorry to hear that.

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